Guest Book...

Welcome to the guestbook, and many thanks to those whose comments can be read here.

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~O~

On 14 August 2009 Okebi said:

This looks so amazing so far, and, in being a reader of your past works, I know it'll completely go beyond amazing and probably just blow it out of the water. x3

I am a huge fan of your writing style, it's very addicting. Keep at it, work hard, and I KNOW you'll get it published. And I'll be one of your buyers. <3

~O~

On 13 August 2009 Kazuho said:

Awesome! I'm really looking forward to reading more of this! I hope I don't have to wait too long... :)

~O~

On 14 July 2009 Eden said:

Last time I read this, I was in a rush; didn't have much to comment on, but now, I have taken a good hour or so to read over it.

I believe that you try to put too much into your sentences. You have varying subjects all linked into one sentence in some cases, and just makes it hard to follow. I'm too lazy to find an example though.

What else...oh, I feel like you try and describe things too much. It's hard to explain. Like, you just throw out so many descriptions of certain things that it gets me confused (as you can see I get confused easily as I read, so it may just be me.)

Bad stuff out of the way. Phew. Hate that.

I can honestly say this is your most worked on/best work yet. I can tell you put a lot more work into it than normal. I'd only emphasize how the scar when he had his 'nightmare' suddenly appeared. At first, because you described it as a scar, I thought it was something from a long time ago or something.

What hooks the reading agent (the stupid writing class, I tell ya. It makes me so critical!) is the beginning. If it doesn't attach you immediately, then the agent will just toss it in the 'no' pile. You have succeeded in creating a great metaphorical hook; I applaud you on that.

I like the plot a lot, and I am really attached to Aron Skyhawk. I feel I can connect with the 'feeling isolated from the other people' problem he had in the teaser. You made his actions real- such as the running as the creature was diverted by the woman/child. He didn't go do some crazy act that no one in real life would have done. He ran to save himself. I believe that was a purely human action, perhaps selfish and heartless, but human. With other works, you had a problem with that. Some actions would be purely unusual to me, and I wouldn't be able to connect.

Also, I'm so grateful that you have made a character in honor of Sanaro. It makes me feel so amazed to think that one day, you WILL get this published, and it will be read by millions, and then that character will be in there. Thank you so much, I truly appreciate it. And I will repay you in one way or another(by either doing the same thing with my original, or something else.)

I think this teaser is on par with the other fantasy novels out there- it has interested me more than others I've read! Good luck, and I know this will be a fantastic novel!

~O~

On 06 June 2008 Mez said:

I am going to be as harsh as possible, because I know (or hope) that you would prefer me to be harsh than lie.

The only problem I can really find, is that there's a lot of information given very early on, in a very concentrated block. It would be better if you could bring in the information where its relevant, so spacing it out, rather than all in one place.

Apart from that, though, I think you really have a good shot of getting published, so good luck!!

~O~

On 06 June 2008 Eden said:

Alright, I am alive, Suzanne...even though it doesn't seem like it...lol. The guest book wouldn't let me post my comment before, but it seems to be fixed now, thank goodness.

It's awesome that you're writing an original in aspirations to become a real author!! Now, time to practice my real time "editor's critique tone." (clears throat)

Well, I have the chapter of your story right here, and I'll try to mark everything I notice to give you a good sense of what I'm thinking at the moment.

At the beginning...one of your sentences is a run-on, and it just seems to be like to many ideas squished into a sentence. "He was one who on the great plain known as the Golden Sea, known so for the long grasses that turned that colour upon the peak of summer, had strode out..." The constant "known"s kind of make it feel like it's dragging. (I know, I'm being so picky)

The rest of the story has a few questionable "sentence structures" just like the one above, but that's the only problem, really. On to good stuff now!

I'm so excited that you have Sanaro comemorated somehow into this story! It'll be fun to see his and Mika's role in this!

The overall writing of this is really amazing; much, much more thought out than any other previous writings from you. The varied sentence structures and wide vocab also make it better for the reader.(because no one likes to see constant words or sentences...it makes it so boring!)

I like how your characters have their persionalities shown with clarity, and how they aren't just 'blah' characters as I call them. ('Blahs' just have no personalities and are there just to fill space or because of the author's lack of work/skill)

Aron is clearly a high-strung, moral bound character with not a lot of humor while Lineir is a fun-loving, chicken chopping guy who likes to drink his cares away.

The story so far is also great; the thought of seeing future battles seems really interesting to me. The 'Horde' as you called them once, are really scary/deadly looking! I wonder how they even came to be...(ponders)

I know that an editor will come around to see this one day because this is definitely good enough quality to become published. Keep up the good work!

Eden

~O~

On 06 June 2008 Jeanne said:

Glad you got your Guest Book fixed.
I nearlly got addicted to reading this, it is truly wonderfull work. If it gets published I am going to have to get it. Afterall I can't resist a good book.

~O~

On 05 June 2008 Stacey/Sparkiling Moon Phoenix said:

As always, your writing is excellent. Looking forward to more. Because of this wonderful site, I am inspired to write even more! Just one problem for me, which idea should I develop first! XD.

Sparkling Moon Phoenix/Stacey XXXXXXXXx

(and 4 minutes later. lol , Stacey ^_^)

Just saw the dedication under the picture! It was very sweet! Thank you, cannot wait to see how she fits in with this promising story.

SPM XXXXXXXXX

~O~

On 05 June 2008 Usagi-no-Kasai said:

Riveting â?" if only there had been more to read then just that!

I'd also like to thank you. You have given me much hope because if you can do it, then I can do it too! I plan to do the same and write my own novel as well, so seeing another aspiring novelist take the next step is a joy and an honor to witness.

Best of luck with this endeavorand I hope everything you get this story published.

Later!*
Usagi

~O~

On 04 June 2008 The Sage of Spirits said:

Now that the problem is fixed...

I have to say, wow! It's very good!

I was surprised at Aron's early position (being a general at 24? THAT takes some skill. =O) - I knew that he was a general through reading, but I did not know WHEN he was a general. =O

Then the invaders scene, and how Aron sensed the attack before hand, and how only he survived... Personally, I would've believed him - but that's me. XD

I have to say, kudos! Nicely done. ^^

And the intro. and ending were cryptic, and I like cryptic writings and whatnot. ^^

Good Luck! (Just don't forget about 'Path of Restoration.' ;D)
SoS

~O~

On 04 June 2008 NYYN said:

From what I read I think it will be a great story! :D
If this book gets published, and I hope it does, I will definently try to find a copy to read.

~O~

On 04 June 2008 A Michelle said:

Why! that is what I want to know...Don't keep me in suspense Suzanne, hurry up with the next installment...

~O~

On 02 June 2008 Tay said:

Hey. I like the site. Cover art's cool. Can't wait for the book!

~O~

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